Wednesday, January 25, 2006

therapeutic mini vacation.

it's simply unbelievable to me the sheer power of the therapeutic mini vacation. it would be an out-and-out falsehood to declare that this sojourn hasn't been accompanied by its own set of melodrama and spontaneity, but I must admit that I feel a great deal better, much more relieved, about my own situation and the direness it inevitably brings.

this blog exists as it does not because I'm lazy, or because I lack original thought, or even because I am afraid of what comes out of my typing fingers and where that may eventually wind up. but it almost serves as a beacon of maturity for me, an almost-symbol of how far I have come, and how much, much more I truly have to go.

today I spent the day in Sacramento, much of it with my good buddy Colin Sueyres from Berkeley MUN. God, I miss that good man. he was the kindest soul today and took me around his office, the California capitol building, etc. in traditional pseudo-politician form he graciously introduced me to all who occupationally associated with him on the daily. I already fell in love with one of his co-workers. plus, I got to briefly peruse the 2006-2007 state budget summary, particularly the portions that primarily concern education. truly good times.

this little voyage of mine to the Bay Area is nearly coming to a close, but already I feel like I have done and seen plenty of things that I otherwise had been unable to experience either as an undergrad at Cal or a visitor with my brother and his friends. I like traveling alone; perhaps, however, this sentiment only ever truly reaches me when I am traveling somewhere safe and in the comforts of familiarity. i.e., the Bay Area, or Washington DC even. what if I were to be uprooted and dumped off in... let's say... Seattle? haha, I kid, I kid. that would be, in the words of Aristotle, freakin awesome.

if this time away from home has taught me anything, it has shown me just how functionally well-off I am up here. with amazing friends, a couple of organizations I still feel at home with, a few jobs and schools lined up left and right, places to comfortably live abound -- again, why didn't I just stay up here while I had the chance? sigh.

one more trip back to Making Waves to see all my children and pick up Porsha, then dinner, then the old work crew (Matty, Anne and Liz) is coming up for the weekend -- tonight's the only night we'll all have together up here. I don't know how I feel about that -- I love the crew, they have become my second family and support system through the rough 'n' tumble of the past month or so -- but I kind of feel like I took this mini-vacation to get myself away from all things Orange County, people included. not that I don't want to see them, because I very much miss them. but it's a strange feeling, quite inexplicable if I do say so myself...

on that note, I will leave with an AMAZING blog that I found surfing around on the 'net one day... I wish I could post the words that meant the most to me here, but the author requests that loyal fans don't do that. so, here's the link. read on, enjoy, take a random insight into yet another issue in my life that, although I myself cannot personally dwell on in a blog, my loyal fans can always conjecture about and partake in via the Girl with a one-track mind and her sentiments on friends and sex. she is a flipping genius, I tell you... I'm almost ashamed of my handle now. :o)

Sunday, January 22, 2006

doppelganger.

Main Entry: dop·pel·gäng·er
Variant(s): or dop·pel·gang·er /'dä-p&l-"ga[ng]-&r, -"ge[ng]-, "dä-p&l-'/
Function: noun
Etymology: German Doppelgänger, from doppel- double + -gänger goer
1 : a ghostly counterpart of a living person


doppelganger

dopplega.gif (17859 bytes)Meaning "double walker" a doppelganger is a shadow-self that accompanies every human. Only the owner of a doppelganger can see it, otherwise it is invisible to human eyes. Dogs and cats have been known to see doppelgangers. Providing sympathetic company, a doppelganger almost always stands behind a person, and they cast no reflection in a mirror. They are prepared to listen and give advice to humans, either implanting ideas in their heads, or a sort of osmosis. It is said to be bad luck if it is seen, and rarely a doppelganger will make itself visible to friends or family, often causing great confusion. Doppelgangers can be mischievous and malicious.
http://webhome.idirect.com/~donlong/monsters/Html/Doppelga.htm


"What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."
-- When Harry Met Sally

"Laney, sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship."
-- Reality Bites

"You know, it's not love but it's an awful lot like it."
-- A Lot Like Love

"You know how someone's appearance can change the longer you know them? How a really attractive person, if you don't like them, can become more and more ugly; whereas someone you might not have even have noticed... that you wouldn't look at more than once, if you love them, can become the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. All you want to do is be near them."
-- The Truth About Cats and Dogs

"Oh God, this is one of those key moments in life, when it's possible you can be really, genuinely cool - and I'm failing 100%. I absolutely and totally and utterly adore you and I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world and more importantly I genuinely believe and have believed for some time now that we can be best friends. What do YOU think?"
-- Notting Hill

"You preach about waiting for love. Well, here it is, right in front of you, and you're going to turn your back on it. So that makes you a hypocrite."
-- Cruel Intentions

"Never take it seriously, you never get hurt. Never get hurt, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends."
-- Almost Famous

"I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."
-- 10 Things I Hate About You

"I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with ghosts... And so is he, he's in love with ghosts."
-- The English Patient

"After living in the dark for so long, a glimpse of the light can make you giddy. Strange thoughts come into your head and you better think'em. Has a special fate been calling you and you not listening? Is there a secret message right in front of you and you're not reading it? Is this your last, best chance? Are you gonna take it? Or are you going to the grave with unlived lives in your veins?"
-- The Good Girl / Catcher in the Rye

crying over you.

Yo estaba bien por un tiempo,
volviendo a sonreír.
Luego anoche te vi
tu mano me tocó
y el saludo de tu voz.
Y hablé muy bien de tu
sin saber que he estado
llorando por tu amor.
Luego de tu adiós sentí todo mi dolor.
Sola y llorando,
llorando... llorando... llorando
No es fácil de entender
que al verte otra vez
Yo seguiré llorando

Yo que pensé que te olvidé
pero es verdad es la verdad
que te quiero aún más,
mucho más que ayer.
Dime tú qué puedo hacer
no me quieres ya
y siempre estaré
llorando por tu amor.
Tu amor se llevó
todo mi corazon
y quedo llorando
llorando... llorando... llorando
por tu amor.


-- Rebekah Del Rio

say goodbye.

So here we are tonight,
you and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see
what's on my mind
You've got me wild
turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping
up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way
I do now
Now let's make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight
just for an evening
When we make
our passion pictures
You and me twist up
secret creatures
And we'll stay here
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Go back to being friends
But tonight let's be lovers,
We kiss and sweat
We'll turn this better thing
to the best
Of all we can offer, Just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips,
See me this way
I'm turning and turning for you
Girl, just tonight

Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tomorrow go back to your man
I'm back to my world
And we're back to being friends
Wait and see me,
Tonight let's do this thing
All we are is wasting hours
until the sun comes up it's all ours
On our way here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
Tonight let's be lovers, say you will
And hear me call, soft-spoken whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here
Tonight let's go all the way then
Love I'll see you,
Just for this evening
Let's strip down, trip out at this
One evening starts with a kiss
Run away

And tomorrow
back to being friends
Lovers...love...lovers
Just for tonight, one night...love you
And tomorrow say goodbye


-- Dave Matthews Band

Saturday, January 14, 2006

a psychosomatic loss.

A Dream within a Dream


Take this kiss upon thy brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong, to deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

-- Edgar Allan Poe

* * * * *


I Loved You Once


I loved you once, nor can this heart be quiet;
For it would seem that love still lingers there;
But do not you be further troubled by it;
I would in no wise hurt you, oh, my dear.

I loved you without hope, a mute offender;
What jealous pangs, what shy despairs I knew!
A love as deep as this, as true, as tender,
God grant another may yet offer you.

-- Alexander Pushkin

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

shiny happy people holding hands.

Unhappiness has risen in the past decade

By Sharon Jayson, USA TODAY Mon Jan 9, 7:23 AM ET

There's more misery in people's lives today than a decade ago - at least among those who will tell you their troubles.

So says a new study on life's negatives from the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center, which conducts social science research for government agencies, educational institutions, non-profit organizations and private corporations.

The researchers surveyed 1,340 people about negative life events and found that the 2004 respondents had more troubles than those who were surveyed in 1991, the last time the study was done.

"The anticipation would have been that problems would have been down," says Tom Smith, the study's author. He says good economic years during the '90s would have brought an expectation of fewer problems, not more.

Overall, the percentage who reported at least one significant negative life event increased from 88% to 92%. Most of the problems were related to increased incidents of illness and the inability to afford medical care; mounting bills; unemployment; and troubled romantic relationships.

On a more positive note, fewer of those surveyed reported having trouble with crime or the law.

The University of Chicago report is part of a larger study known as the larger General Social Survey, which is supported by the

National Science Foundation and financed through grants. It includes in-person interviews with more than 2,800 randomly chosen people 18 and older.

Those questioned about their negative life events were asked about 60 specific problems, and they could each list up to two additional problems. By weighting each problem and using a formula, Smith says, the troubles could be compared.

Some of the problems outlined in the study were more complicated than just a single bad event. For instance, the inability to afford health care rose from 7% in 1991 to 11% in 2004. Those who said they lacked health insurance increased from 12% to 18%. On the romantic front, the percentage who reported breaking up with a steady partner doubled from 4% to 8%.

But people shouldn't despair even if there is trouble around them. Bad experiences don't necessarily make people unhappy, says Jonathan Haidt, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Virginia and author of the new book The Happiness Hypothesis.

"Happiness has a very weak relation to the events in our lives," Haidt says. "Your happiness level is determined mostly by the structure in your brain - not by whether good or bad things happen to you. Negative events hurt or feel bad, but they are not usually as bad as we think and don't last as long as we think."

Happiness is an individual thing, he says, like a thermostat in our brains with a baseline that's predetermined by genetics. "We all move around, up or down, around our set point" depending on life events, he says. "The key to the psychology of happiness is to move to the upper range of your potential."

He advises a three-point check-up on the state of personal relationships, the work environment and control over daily life, because improving those areas will boost happiness.

* * * * *

Why hard work makes people happy
Man smiling
Working hard and relationships were the most important factors
Hard work may be the last thing people want as they return to their jobs after the festive break, but experts say it could be the key to happiness.

Researchers from Gothenburg University in Sweden have been studying published data on what makes people happy.

They believe working to achieve a goal, rather than attaining it, makes people more satisfied - although they said good relationships were important.

UK experts agreed, but said the work had to match an individual's strengths.

The work has to use a person's strengths otherwise it can be demoralising
Averil Leimon, of the British Psychological Society

The Gothenburg team have been studying hundreds of interviews carried out with people across the world to find out what makes them feel fulfilled.

They said winning the lottery or achieving a goal at work gave a temporary high, but it did not last.

Instead, they found that working hard to reach a target was more fulfilling.

Lead researcher Dr Bengt Bruelde, from the university's philosophy department, said: "The important thing is to remain active.

"From our research the people who were most active got the most joy. It may sound tempting to relax on a beach, but if you do it for too long it stops being satisfying."

He said the full research would be published in the summer.

Averil Leimon, of the British Psychological Society, said: "Hard work is satisfying, but only if it suits you.

"The work has to use a person's strengths otherwise it can be demoralising.

"If it does, research has shown that the happiness is not even linked to the rewards that are on offer.

But she added: "Relationships can also have a significant impact. Strong relationships whether through family, the church, friends or work can inoculate you against feeling low."




(taken from BBC News UK 3 January 2006)