a new discovery, and not for the better.
I used to think I had enough willpower and mental fortitude to be able to get over anything, including stupid little stress slumps that make me too cerebral and not physical enough.
today I returned to my old middle school, my old stomping grounds, the hallowed area where I forged treasured relationships with students, staff and teachers alike, where I finally discovered my roots as a manager and organizer, motivator and team leader, educator and role model, all in one. what I was not prepared for was this onslaught of terrifyingly sad emotions... the quad area, the OCS courtyard, the horseshoe driveway... it all brought everything back to that fateful day, the last day I would ever be allowed to step foot on campus again. nobody to blame but myself. I didn't give a shit that I was fired. I did, however, give a shit that I was banned.
but it was great to see a couple of my girls again, and Anne, who had a job interview earlier in the day which hopefully went really well. and then of course there was Chi. what the fuck? I totally don't need friends like that right now. first it was Mark. now her? either she's not over what happened on New Years or she just flat out doesn't care to associate with me. either way, whatever. Dad has completely lost his strength and appetite. Grandma's gonna start dialysis in less than a month, and guess who has to go to class with her and take her however often her schedule permits? guess whose brother's health is so rapidly deteriorating that he can't even enjoy simply walking anymore? guess who has $13.72 in the checking account? guess who applied for 10 jobs last week and has NOT heard back from one? guess who hasn't passed enough of the math subject tests to get an intern credential? and guess who won't get her teaching credential if she can't pass the next CSET administration?
whose blog is this again?
so yeah, it helps to not surround myself with judgmental people. or even worse, people that you think are your friend, or even like a sister to you, only to have them turn their back on you because you happen to live in south Orange County instead of central or north. interesting.
I guess over the past weekend I have come to the understanding that if someone wants to be your friend, then consequently they care about you, and they will in some way shape or form show it. even if it is not on a consistent basis. people who fit the bill: Kevin. Porsha. David Liu. Peter Rich. my girls (the Weavers of Satirical Truth, you know who are bitches). and many, many others whom I have dearly taken for granted at times. but in seeing that I have surrounded myself with emotionally shallow and psychologically immature people (not ALL, mind you, but many fit the description, shall we say) who cannot handle the pressures of a friendship with me (and come on... is it really THAT bad people??), then, I say to you, good riddance!
what does this have to do with the diet, mind you? ah yes. anywho... I went completely off track this weekend and got too sneezy/allergy-ridden tonight to be able to get my ass out to the gym. then I was supposed to get out for some late night bowling with the crew, but again -- friends? I haven't been able to give some people a fair chance since I got back from Europe... and other people have really proven themselves to just out and out RAWK (that's for you, Miss Anne and Matty!!) unfortunately I couldn't stop sneezing for a good two hours so I tried to take some medication to knock my fat ass out. hence, no bowling and no gym. :( buuuut I promise I am going to work out tomorrow morning right after my job interview... yaaaaay (say it with me now, but with mooooore sarcasm). it isn't that I don't want to work, per se -- it's just the one job I applied for that I really didn't care to hear back from. oh well that makes no sense, but cosmically, trust me, it does.
today I returned to my old middle school, my old stomping grounds, the hallowed area where I forged treasured relationships with students, staff and teachers alike, where I finally discovered my roots as a manager and organizer, motivator and team leader, educator and role model, all in one. what I was not prepared for was this onslaught of terrifyingly sad emotions... the quad area, the OCS courtyard, the horseshoe driveway... it all brought everything back to that fateful day, the last day I would ever be allowed to step foot on campus again. nobody to blame but myself. I didn't give a shit that I was fired. I did, however, give a shit that I was banned.
but it was great to see a couple of my girls again, and Anne, who had a job interview earlier in the day which hopefully went really well. and then of course there was Chi. what the fuck? I totally don't need friends like that right now. first it was Mark. now her? either she's not over what happened on New Years or she just flat out doesn't care to associate with me. either way, whatever. Dad has completely lost his strength and appetite. Grandma's gonna start dialysis in less than a month, and guess who has to go to class with her and take her however often her schedule permits? guess whose brother's health is so rapidly deteriorating that he can't even enjoy simply walking anymore? guess who has $13.72 in the checking account? guess who applied for 10 jobs last week and has NOT heard back from one? guess who hasn't passed enough of the math subject tests to get an intern credential? and guess who won't get her teaching credential if she can't pass the next CSET administration?
whose blog is this again?
so yeah, it helps to not surround myself with judgmental people. or even worse, people that you think are your friend, or even like a sister to you, only to have them turn their back on you because you happen to live in south Orange County instead of central or north. interesting.
I guess over the past weekend I have come to the understanding that if someone wants to be your friend, then consequently they care about you, and they will in some way shape or form show it. even if it is not on a consistent basis. people who fit the bill: Kevin. Porsha. David Liu. Peter Rich. my girls (the Weavers of Satirical Truth, you know who are bitches). and many, many others whom I have dearly taken for granted at times. but in seeing that I have surrounded myself with emotionally shallow and psychologically immature people (not ALL, mind you, but many fit the description, shall we say) who cannot handle the pressures of a friendship with me (and come on... is it really THAT bad people??), then, I say to you, good riddance!
what does this have to do with the diet, mind you? ah yes. anywho... I went completely off track this weekend and got too sneezy/allergy-ridden tonight to be able to get my ass out to the gym. then I was supposed to get out for some late night bowling with the crew, but again -- friends? I haven't been able to give some people a fair chance since I got back from Europe... and other people have really proven themselves to just out and out RAWK (that's for you, Miss Anne and Matty!!) unfortunately I couldn't stop sneezing for a good two hours so I tried to take some medication to knock my fat ass out. hence, no bowling and no gym. :( buuuut I promise I am going to work out tomorrow morning right after my job interview... yaaaaay (say it with me now, but with mooooore sarcasm). it isn't that I don't want to work, per se -- it's just the one job I applied for that I really didn't care to hear back from. oh well that makes no sense, but cosmically, trust me, it does.
posted by miss d at 12:00 AM
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